August 20, 2006

• They Walk Among Us

  You folks have probably seen these,
  but Nony sent them to me, and I don't want this blog to become too
  maudlin or sentimental.  Most importantly, I know that Lorena
  hasn't seen it....  We can sure use the laughs...

  They walk among us!!!
  

  Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he
  put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home.
  You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without
  even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too
  untrusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign
  to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The next day someone stole it.
  Caution... They Walk Among Us!
  ====================
  One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone
  shouted...."Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and
  said..."where???" They walk among us!!
  ====================

   While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate
  agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun
  waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the
  north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has
  for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that
  stuff." They Walk Among Us!!

   ====================

   I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center.
  One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center
  was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7
  days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
  Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific" . . They Walk Among
  Us!!!

   ====================

   My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria,
  when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the
  sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a
  convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was
  moving". They Walk Among Us!!!!

   ====================

   My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to
  cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk... They
  Walk Among Us!!!!!

   ====================

   My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the
  cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The
  cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.... They Walk Among
  Us!!!!!!

   ====================

   I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a
  nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the
  chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's
  nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is
  turned... They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!

   ====================

   I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I
  went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed
  up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional
  and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane
  arrived yet?".. They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!

   ====================

   While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a
  small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would
  like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before
  responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to
  eat 6 pieces.

   ====================

   They walk among us, AND
  reproduce!
  

  ******************************************************
  ******************************************************
  From the mouths of babes....

  NUDITY
  I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
  a Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was 

  stark naked! As I was
  reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat,
  "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!

  HONESTY
  My son  Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
  
  dropped his  toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it
  in the garbage.  Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
  bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a
  charming little smile,”We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in
  the toilet a few days ago.

  OPINIONS
  On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note from
  his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are
  not necessarily those of his parents."

  KETCHUP
  A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar.
  During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to
  answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her
  mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you
  right now. She's hitting the bottle."

  MORE NUDITY
  A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
  locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies
  grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement
  and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy
  before?"

  ELDERLY
  While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
  shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my after noon rounds. 
  The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and
  wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a
  pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the
  inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered,
  "The  tooth fairy will never believe this!"

  DRESS-UP
  A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
  her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn’t wear
  that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always
  gives you a headache the next morning."

  DEATH
  While walking along the sidewalk in  front of his church, our minister
  heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly  made his collar wilt.
  Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had  found a dead robin.
  Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small
  box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of
  the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers
  and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his
  Father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn
  ... and into the hole he
  gooooes."

  SCHOOL
  A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
  wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't
  write and they won't let me talk!"

  BIBLE
  A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he
  fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.
  He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that
  had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I
  found", the boy called out." What have you got there,
  dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered,
  "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
  

  Have a wonderful day!!!  Thank you for your prayers and support...
  

  • 5:10 pm
  • 4 Comments