September 27, 2006

• Why Men Are Happier

    

  

  

  This is a picture from happier times of Sherry Lowery and Lorena.  Thanks so much for sharing it, Sherry.  I know Lorena would give anything to be able to visit with you again.

  Kay Black sent me the following email:

  I could add a few more points to the list but then you would know that I know a few of your secrets so we will just let this pass for a partial representation of the facts.   Kay B   Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress~$5000. Tux rental~$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.   Kay, this really got me to thinking.  Maybe you are onto something.  Surely some university or governmental agency will now spend umpteen gazillion tax dollars analyzing this phenomenon -- and mandating rectification of it.  [In my most sardonic voice, I must say, "Thanks a lot for nothing!!!"  Just because you are a woman, you have to try to spoil it for us men, don't you?]   I realized that today I am wearing the same pair of shoes that Lorena was determined to replace the night before her stroke.  She took me shoe shopping [which is only minutely-incrementally preferable to getting a Dustin Hoffman / Marathon Man dental drill workout.]  That was almost three years ago now, and I still wear these old friends at least two days per week.  So what if the right sole is worn through in two places and the upper has started pulling away from the sole in a couple of places?  They are still incredibly comfortable both physically and spiritually.  They FIT perfectly!!!  Wearing them is like walking on air -- perhaps because part of what I am walking on IS air...  [The downside, of course, is that I cannot wear them on the two days per year that it rains here, because,  if I do, I get my socks wet from the bottoms up, but, oh, well...]   [In fact, I have been known to get my socks wet from the bottom up inside my Pinto after hitting a puddle because the water splashed, first, through the missing floor board of my car and, second, through the holes in the bottoms of my shoes, but that is a whole nother story...]   Oh, yeah, and I just looked at these sartorial wonders and realized that I haven't polished or shined them since then, either.  Oh, well.  I am sure that there is contamination of air and water to some degree involved in making polishes and waxes, and someone might be deathly allergic to the chemicals of those polishes and waxes if I applied them to my shoes, so I am actually being environmentally friendly and potentially saving lives by wearing them this way.  [I am most certainly NOT being a slob...]   I still wear clothes that I had when I was in high school.  As a student.  As in I graduated in 1973.  AND I LIKE THEM!!!   I still have a shirt that my first girl friend, Kim Harris, made me in 1975.  I was in the company of her father when I first met Lorena in her home there in Tepic in 1979.  It is still one of my favorites.   I am wearing exactly the same haircut that I wore when I was four years old.  Furthermore, I do my OWN barbering.  [Thank you, Mr. Remington!!!]   As for underwear being $8.95 for a three pack, I cannot remember paying that much for underwear.  In fact, I can't remember buying underwear at all.  Lorena always did that.  Which makes me remember that I have some underwear at home that I need to sew up lest I have an accident and have to go to the hospital.  I must remember to do my repairs tonight because, if I do not, pretty soon all I will be wearing will be a cute little Fruit of the Loom band around my middle...  [Thanks for reminding me, Kay!]  (And I apologize for the visuals...)   The girls still go absolutely bonkers because I wear brown belts with black shoes and vice versa.  Not to even mention the seemingly unpardonable sin of wearing white socks with both.  At least I am DRESSED (unlike MANY women I see in public!)   A perfect seven course meal is a can of vienna sausages, a can of pork and beans, and my choice of either five kinds of pickles or any other five things that I can dig out of the refrigerator that doesn't have absolutely too much hair growing on it to be edible.  ["Leftover", needless to say, can refer to "left over" anywhere from last meal to last year...]  After all, I have always been told that if it doesn't kill you, it will make you stronger, so I figure that I am durn near indestructible...   (I even heard someone recently mention how lucky Willie Nelson was when he got busted in Tennessee for the hallucinogenic mushrooms and the Texas-sized stash of marijuana.  Specifically, it was noted that had Willie's supplier been unethical and sold him spinach instead, Willie might very well be dead!  I guarantee you that a woman would never have the insight to make that perceptive an observation!)   Oh, yes, I am a man's man, sticky-note-shopping-list stuck to my forehead and all!!!  (I have already humiliated myself by relating that incident on here earlier, so let's just let it rest quietly.  Please.  It does not need to be exhumed.)  I am happy.  Deliriously so.  Deliciously so.   Except for one thing.   I am not with Lorena.

   

  • 7:47 pm
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