Michael in Stephenville.  I apologize profusely to all of you,
especially to Kate in Australia.  Several of you have informed me
that you would like to get in touch with Kate, but I did not post her
link or xanga name, so you would have had to have gone to my comments
to get her I.D.  Anyway, it is

Again, she can be reached at www.xanga.com/luv_always_kate.  I
will try to get some more information from Kate so we will better know
what is going on.  I just know that she and her family will need
our prayers and support.

I have to go to school to work, but I will post some more later…  We love you all…

Michael here in Stephenville.  Last Sunday, Dena, Sierra, Cody,
Marly, and I drove down to Holder together to go fishing.  This
was the first time in over a year that we had gone specifically to see
the Smiths, and that hurts so much.  They literally are an
immediate part of our family (whether they will admit it or not!), and
Lorena will cry when I tell her we got to go.  She loves them
dearly.

It really was a wonderful visit.  Marly is still being introduced
to Texas, so we fed her white mulberries and purple mulberries. 
(She really liked the white ones, but I thought her face was going to
turn inside out when she ate the purple ones.  She obviously is
not fond of tart — although I thought they were excellent.) 
After she had eaten a few mulberries, I had her look closely at the
next one — just to notice the ubiquitous little white bugs that always
run around on mulberries, pointing out to her that the mulberries she
had been eating were protein enriched.  She did not seem to be
favorably impressed, but I think she is becoming a little more
accepting of our little insect friends.  She even ate some more
protein enriched mulberries.

We showed her a boll weevil the other day, and she is getting a lesson
on wasps, yellow jackets, dirt dobbers, doodlebugs, hummingbirds, and
all sorts of snakes.  A little toy snake was left at her elbow the
other day as she was sitting at the table.  It was obviously
a magical toy snake because when she saw it she levitated completely off her chair
and made sounds that human vocal cords could not possibly make.  I
was impressed!!!

Anyway, Ruth put on one of her typical, spectacular spreads.  Keep
count now!  There were only the five of us, Jerome and Ruth, and
Barbara and Bill Hudgins.  To the best of my mathematical
abilities, that totals nine people.  Ruth then proceeded to load
the table with enough victuals to feed a small nation.  (Gina,
Diane, Christy, Steve, and all the rest of you, eat your hearts
out.)  For those of you who have never encountered Ruth’s cooking,
it would put the finest restaurants to shame.  There are not
enough stars to rate it. 

Folks, this was an old-time Texas Sunday spread featuring both a
brisket and a ham.  [Lya, she had made a pot of her famous mashed
potatoes -- and you missed them!!!]  There was a garden salad,
fresh green beans, fresh cut cantaloupe, corn, biscuits, broccoli with
cheese, seventy-five different kinds of pickles, half of which featured
jalapeños to varying degrees of forehead wiping goodness, and several
other dishes that I cannot recall.  I might add that not only had
Ruth made her lighter-than-air biscuits, but we had butter, honey,
sorghum syrup, and molasses to go with them!!!  Yee haw!!! 
(I ate so much that my brain
was squeezed to the point that several old memories were actually
forced out of my brain — and few new ones could be made…)  All
of this food, of course, was washed down with her superb iced tea.

When we had all reached the point of sluggishness comparable to that of
a boa constrictor that has just swallowed a 600 pound wild boar AND a
large steer, Ruth (who has a sadistic streak the size of the Milky Way)
pulled out a huge chocolate cake, a couple of pecan-and-ancho-pepper
pies laced with bourbon, and a big fresh pot of coffee.  I will
not admit that I succumbed to the sin of gluttony, but afterwards, even
as a Baptist, I said a couple dozen Hail Mary’s…  (I would
have flagellated myself, but I could no longer raise my arms…) 
[Jerome is just as sadistic as Ruth is.  Not only would he not rub
my tummy afterwards, but he would only laugh at me when I would beg him
to...]  I will not have to eat for another couple of months…

For supper, we had lunch leftovers supplemented with Supaporn’s
jackfruit and durian fruit.  My middle still closely resembles the
middle of that boa constrictor after it swallowed the boar and the
steer — and they were both BIG ones!!!

Afterwards, we sat around and visited, looked at old pictures,
reminisced, and Dena, Marly, and Bobby sang their way page by page
through a Broadman Hymnal while I tortured the piano.  (I have a
sadistic streak, too, you know…)  The next thing we knew, it was
11:30 p.m. — and far past time to say goodbye. 

The ride home was not anticlimactic at all.  We cut through
Blanket to the gap in the mountains on 377 outside Comanche — and
there were deer everywhere.  I actually stopped several times so
the kids (all of us!) could watch the herds of deer mill around until
they decided it was time to panic, at which point they would
effortlessly bound over the fences in a most impressive manner. 
(Their leaps were especially impressive since I was still so full that
the basic motions of operating the gas pedal and the brake and turning
the steering wheel was testing the limits of my physical
abilities…)  We also were treated to the sight of a huge horned
owl sitting on a game fence.  We actually turned around, came
back, and stopped before he soared out over us and away.

We missed you, Lorena.  The trip brought back so many memories,
and it would have been perfect if you and the girls had been with
us.  I tried to tell you about it last night, but you were in
therapy again when I called.  I will try again tonight.  We
love you.

By the way, I felt compelled to check this blog this morning — to find a greeting from Katie in Australia who said,

Hi.

I’m from Australia and my mum had a stroke yesterday. I’m 17 yrs old
and this is very hard for me. Your story is a inspiration for me. I
would like to thank you for making this site.

Hello, Katie.  Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your
family.  Please let us know how your mother is doing, and welcome
to our family.  Please post comments on here to tell us about you
and your situation.  You have tapped into an incredible support
group.  Folks, please contact Katie and let her know  that
she is not alone in this.

(By the way, Have I told you all lately that Lorraine is
brilliant!)  Darling Rainey just came in and added that touching
sentiment…  It seems that she is the reigning champion on the
Battle of the Sexes on one of our radio stations.  Woo
hoo!!!  Not that she has let it go to her head…  Lorena
will be soooooo impressed…

Take care.  We love you all, and we couldn’t make it without
you.  Lorena’s miracle continues, and hopefully we will get to
talk to her again tonight.

[Oh, yes; I forgot to mention that we never made it down to the tanks to go fishing...]

I am here at school cleaning up my chaos as I prepare to change rooms.  In the course of organizing and cleaning, I found the following poem that Stephanie had written for Lorena.  Have I mentioned lately how incredible the women in my life are???  Lorena, you are loved and missed…

ABC’s Tribute to Mom

By Stephanie Thomas

A is for the AWESOME way you were a mom to me.

B is for all the BEAUTIFUL days we had at the Botanical Gardens.

C is for how you never liked CATS.

D is for how you DIDN’T ever give up on me.

E is for EVERY talk we had.

F is for the FIGHTS that got us mad.

G is for GOING shopping at the mall.

H is for making our HOUSE a HOME.

I is for how I never could mean “hate” – and how sorry I am.

J is for all the laughing and JOKING.

K is for bringing me plenty of KLEENEX when I was sick.

L is for I LOVE you!!!

M is for how I couldn’t ask for another MOM.

N is for how you never took NO for and an answer when it came to chores.

O is for OPENING my eyes to how grateful I should be and how beautiful I am.

P is for your huge PURSE you always had.

Q is for not QUITTING or giving up hope for me – and for you.

R is for how REALITY hit us so hard.

S is for Love and Loyalty, aka STEPHANIE.

T is for TALKING to you in the hospital — when I knew you heard but couldn’t respond.

U is for the big UMBRELLA you loved to take to our soccer games.

V is for how you loved V-necked shirts and always wore them.

W is for WINNING the fight you are fighting now.

X is for X-treme you are now under – and the X-treme love I feel for you.

Y is for how YOU are the one who owns my heart.

Z is for all your ZEAL you haven’t lost.

Keep fighting, Lorena.  Keep fighting and winning.  We love you.

Michael here in Stephenville.  Today was my third birthday that
Lorena has missed — but the girls and some friends really made it up
to me.  Yeppers, today I passed the half-century mark, and I feel
twice as old as I am (which would be about ten times as old as I
look!!!)  I am such a hunk, if I have to say so myself. 
(And, of course, I do…)  I can already hear Lorena laughing even
though I haven’t told her that yet…

Yesterday, Rainey, Stephi, Lya, Marly, and Alisha decided to pull out
all the stops to make my birthday memorable.  In a pathetic
display of disregard for the separation of church and state, they made
me fire up the grill.  Anywhere around a barbecue grill, I operate
in a state of confusion, so I was actually in that state when
they  made me make a burnt offering of parts of a dead cow, an
assortment of garden vegetables, and one unlucky pineapple.  They
had prepared shish-kebabs and steaks, squash, corn on the cob, and a
cornucopia of other doomed victuals destined for the flames of the
Galumphing Gourmet.  [Craig and Dena invited us over for dinner
tonight, and Smart Aleck Craig was explaining how to prepare blackened
tilapia.  I told him that yesterday I prepared blackened bell
pepper, blackened tomato, blackened onion, blackened squash, blackened
corn on blackened cob, and blackened steak.  There is absolutely
no challenge in preparing blackened ANYTHING.  In fact, I suspect
I could even prepare blackened water...]

The aforementioned group of sadistic masochists were joined by Jeremy
(known by Rainey as “Sweet Thang”), and, a little later, Supaporn
Netremanee and Gaurav Gupta.  Thus it was that we all, smiling
idiotically at each other and declaring how delicious it was, ate
charcoal as if we had ingested copious amounts of some deadly
poison.  Next time I am going to save us all an incredible amount
of time and money [spent on buying, preparing, and burning the "food"]
by simply serving the charcoal briquettes.  The presentation will be
much more uniform, and I am sure it will taste better, as well, than
the things I cremate..

Earlier, the girls and Jeremy had gone out close to Dublin where they
picked approximately fifty gallons of blackberries of which one pint
survived to be made into my birthday pie which was served with
homemade vanilla ice-cream.  [Fortunately, the womenfolk prepared
it, or it would probably have been blackened as well.]  It was a
wonderful evening.  Marly is well versed in Islam, and with
Supaporn a Buddhist and Gaurav a Hindu, we had a wonderful evening of
discussion of religion, food, holidays, climates, etc.  Our
invitations to New Delhi and Bangkok were renewed, and a special food
delivery was promised us.  [Supaporn and Gaurav, ironically, just
made their special delivery.  We eat fresh jack fruit in Mexico,
but most of the folks here have never eaten it, so Supaporn gave us a
can of her special Thai jack fruit.  More importantly, I had asked
her earlier about durian (the King of fruits) -- and she has just
delivered us a durian.  For those of you who do not know about
durian, it is DELICIOUS.  However, it is usually not allowed in
tourist hotels because its odor is quite strong.  In fact, when
Westerners smell it, their most common response is to ask anxiously how
quickly the sewer will be repaired.  This is an incredibly special
treat for us -- but please understand if you detect a certain pungency
about us that it is merely our durian and not our hygiene...]

Today, we went to Dena and Craig’s for jambalaya and blackened tilapia
(which was delicious.)  We were going from there to the
Stephenville Opry where Rainey was performing tonight.  Sierra dug
out her little set of fingernail polishes and cosmetics and insisted on
painting my fingernails and toenails (each a different color) and
applying Passionate Purple lipstick to yours truly.  Wonderful
uncle that I am, I submitted to her ministrations.  Shortly before
Rainey was to perform, I went in to put on my nice pants and nice shirt
and SOCKS and SHOES.  The shirt and pants went on without
incident, but when I bent over to put my sock on, my pants ripped from
stem to stern in a manner that would make the Titanic envious and that
gave my posterior more exposure than Michael Jackson’s nose has ever
received.  Thus it was that I attended Rainey’s Opry performance
tonight in short pants, shirt, sandals — and a striking assortment of
colorful toenails and fingernails and purple lips.  Hopefully,
everyone who saw me but doesn’t know me will merely think I am an aging
shock rocker…  Those who do know me will understand.  They
will still shake their heads, of course, but they will understand.

I had a wonderful conversation with Lorena tonight.  We had a lot
of laughs.  Oh, yes, I am being horribly remiss, and we had one
very long, hard cry together.  My heart has hurt all day, and I
have tried to push this latest family tragedy out of my mind and
memory.  Jonathon and Katy Lillejedahl Thomas were expecting a son
shortly.  I have mentioned them many times on here — along with
my pride at Jon’s service in the navy.  Yesterday Katy had a
miscarriage.  To compound the situation, doctors discovered a mass
in her abdomen that they fear might be cancerous, so they were
operating on her today.  We have not heard anything further, but
our thoughts and prayers are with them.  Julie has already flown
to Pearl Harbor, and Steve and Zac will go shortly.  Lorena cried
very hard when I told her, and I hate for her to cry alone, so I shed
some more tears with her for all of us…  I pray God’s mercy and
grace on them.

Lorena’s miracle continues, though.  To God be the glory. 
Thank you all for your prayers and support.  We love you.

We called Lorena again tonight, desperate to talk to her, only to be told that she is in therapy and will not be out for another hour and twenty minutes.  It was 10:55 p.m. here (9:55 p.m. there) so that will give you an idea of her therapy hours and why it is so difficult for us to get to talk to her.  Stephanie has been going to baby sit at times ranging from 5:30 a.m. to 6:30 a.m., so we are all just about to drop around here.  Then, on top of that, it doesn’t matter when we call, Lorena is usually in therapy.  We all desperately want to talk to her, but she is unavailable.

And here I am complaining.  If we had kept her here in the States, she would not be in therapy.  Ever.  She would be dead.  She is in therapy, and she is getting better.  I am complaining, and I am an idiot.  I just need to talk to her.  I need to hear her voice.  I need to hear her laugh.  We all do.  We just need her…

Michael here in Stephenville.  I haven’t been getting near enough sleep, so I spent most of the afternoon crashed in bed catching up on some desperately needed zzzz’s…  I would probably still be there except that it was pointed out to me that my hastily written post today had a gross omission in it.  GINA was not at the get-together last Friday night, and I simply omitted her.  We have been communicating via blog comments so much that I really did not think about her not being there.  I left Brandi and Jon out also, but I got to see Brandi Sunday (and she is doing GREAT as an occupational therapist at Baylor Medical Rehab Center.  I praise Jon on here to high heaven constantly, and all of them know how incredibly proud I am of them.  I am trying to go to sleep again, but I did want to correct my error.

Michael in Stephenville.  We had an incredible conversation with Lorena last night.  It has been quite awhile since we have had a chance to visit with her because she is always in therapy when we call.

Last night, however, not only was she free — but she was in wonderful spirits.  Socorro answered the phone, and Lorena’s nurse Roberto served as moderator for the conversation.  He is fantastic.  We filled Lorena in on everything that has been going on around here — to the accompaniment of much laughter.  There were some tears, but only when I mentioned some of you specifically.  Lorena misses you badly.

The best part of the visit was when I told Lorena to hurry and get well so she could come back home and we would have that huge party everyone wants to be part of.  She was affirming everything well, but when I mentioned that everyone would be there — and they would all be wanting to dance with her, I got a beautiful laugh in response.  Then I said that Roberto and the other nurses would be there as well, and she would have to dance with them.  Roberto started teasing Lorena about dancing with them, and she laughed wondrously once again.  It is amazing how uplifting and soul-gladdening a laugh can be!!!

I passed on all the news about the family, graduation, happening around here, and tons of greetings from friends, colleagues, and family members.  She cried especially hard when I relayed her greetings from Kay and Bill Black, Delise Burrus, Jerome and Ruth, Barbara and Bill, all my siblings, and from Duane and Nony Godwin.

Friday was great.  We had the Stephenville High School Graduation in the TSU stadium.  When we practiced at 1:00 in the afternoon, it was hotter radio talk show rhetoric.  However, when the ceremony started at 8:00 p.m., the weather was perfect.  Lorena and I had two relatives in the graduating class.  Jennifer Schwartz (Diane’s daughter) and Zachary Thomas (Steve’s son) both stepped, papered, out into the wide, wide world.  I will have to get some pics on here of them.  Zach will be playing football at SMU this fall.

Barbara and Bill Hudgins had driven up from Brownwood for the ceremony.  After I finally made it back home, we went to a reception for Jenni and Zach at Steve’s and Julie’s house.  Melanie had come up from Waco, so, for the first time since Christmas, all of us but Christy and Dale were together.  Needless to say, we had a fantastic evening.

Saturday night, then, Diane and Phil were having a brisket (and brew masters’ meeting) at their place, so they invited us over for another wonderful meal and visit.  Monday, Dena and Craig had us out at their place for fajitas and ANOTHER wonderful evening.  I am becoming so unwound that I may NEVER be able to gear back up to get anything done.

Kay Black enjoyed our snake sagas, so she sent me the following photo from Abilene, Texas.  [Note the mesquite bean in the left foreground and the nopal (cactus pad) in the right foreground.]  Folks who have not been around rattlesnakes probably don’t understand what we mean by a rattlesnake den, but they do congregate in great numbers where there is plenty of food and protection.  Enjoy.  (I would say that this pic is not for the squeamish or those with fear of snakes, but it is too late now…)  [I will dedicate this pic to Kerri Everett and Marly Cole.]  This was prefaced by the following info:

 Patterson Drilling yard, Abilene, TX.  [A drilling yard is where equipment, oil storage tanks, etc., are kept until they are needed.]  Doing some cleanup around the yard, a forklift driver picked up a “pit” (10 ft by 10 ft by 30 ft), immediately set it back down and called the office saying, ”I need some people out here with shotguns”.  Three men showed up armed and ready as he picked the pit up again.  Beneath the pit was a den of Western diamond back rattlesnakes.  [I guess that would make it a pit of pit vipers pit -- and that is the pits...]  As least as many snakes got away as were killed — 62. I wonder if they taste like chicken? LOL

I thanked Kay for the picture, to which she responded:  

Michael in Stephenville.  Stephenville graduation day is over and done — thank God.  The day started off insanely and only got more frantic and frenetic as the day went on.  Lindsay, from Jacksboro, had her car with a radiator that leaked worse than Bonnie and Clyde at the end of their careers, and she could not contact her parents.  Friday morning, she  followed me over to the radiator repair shop where we watched as Robert the Raidator Guy pressurized her radiator to produce a pencil sized stream of coolant from a equal sized hole in her radiator.  Robert offered to order a radiator for her, but, with it being Friday before the Memorial Day weekend, he would not be able to put the new radiator on before next Tuesday.  Lindsay was okay with the $222 price tag.  I sounded Robert out for options since Lindsay lives 1.5 hours north of here, and she was planning to go home this weekend.

Robert said the only way  he could get it repaired earlier would be if we could somehow get a radiator from Fort Worth (an hour away).  I got on the phone and finally got in touch with Crystal Woerner who in turn got in touch with her sweet thing (Hadley Woerner) who works at Frost Bank in Fort Worth.  He quickly agreed to sacrifice by leaving work early to guarantee that Robert the Radiator Guy receive the radiator by 4:30 in the evening.  Several phone calls and emails later, all the details were arranged, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

At 4:00 p.m., I received an email from Hadley that he was at Bluff Dale and would have the radiator in Stephenville by 4:15.  At 4:20 I called Robert who verified for me that Murphy’s Law has not been rescinded.  Some idiot in the Radiator Repair Supply in Fort Worth had “gotten down on the wrong line and sent the wrong radiator.”  He would get the correct radiator and install it Tuesday.  (I wondered what sort of guarantee I had that the incompetent in Fort Worth would somehow luck out and send the correct radiator Tuesday. 

Just now Lindsay has come in and informed me that her very upset father has had some choice (unrepeatable) words for her for breaking her radiator and said he would be in shortly to pick up her car.  Since she obviously is much too irresponsible to be driving a car as proven by having a radiator leak, she will not be getting the car back after it is repaired.  She is SOOOO happy.  Furthermore, he told her that he would not pay for any parts or repairs that she had had done, so I guess I owe the idiot in Fort Worth an apology.  Apparently he is not the only idiot running around…  I really feel for some of these kiddos…

I will tell you about the graduation tomorrow…

Michael here in Stephenville, running circles and screaming frantically.  I am here at school in the middle of the night getting the last of my grades in — because I have been running circles and screaming frantically all day.

Stephanie’s friend Lindsay drove in from Jacksboro only to have her car die over on the other side of town.  When Steph called me here at school and asked me to come home and take care of Lindsay’s car, I immediately polished my halo, rushed outside and jumped on (or rather in) my trusty steed (my ’78 Pinto) [that has no AC so that in today's upper 90 (both in degrees Fahrenheit and in per cent humidity) doubles as both transportation device and sauna.]  I carried the girls over to the dead car, looked it over without detecting any critical problems, started it up, then had Lindsay drive it home as I followed in my trusty steed.

As the girls dressed for their soiree tonight, I checked the car out.  No water…  Hmmm…  Not good.  I filled the radiator with water and coolant, started it up and let it run long enough for the thermostat to kick in — then watched as coolant fled the heat around the collar of her radiator.   Hmmm…  Really not good…  In the morning, I get to run her over to the radiator place to see if we can get her back on the road again…  (Thanks, Willie…)

Then I got an email from Supaporn Netrmanee.  The idiot at the University is adding insult to injury by jerking her around some more.  She applied to work at the University, but he has had her work permit canceled — along with her student visa, and she was desperately needing a US citizen to sponsor her.  That is why I have been writing sponsorship letters and running off copies of my bank statement (which makes me very uncomfortable…)  Just call me paranoid.  Only Supaporn has the right to be paranoid…

The great thing is that I will get to call Lorena when I get home.  It will be wonderful to get to hear her laugh again.  Sometimes life seems so incredibly  hard and difficult to bear.  But then I get to hear Lorena — or the girls — laugh, or I get to remember Lorena and the girls laugh.  I will always remember Lorena and Stephanie laughing like fools and chasing each other through the house the night before Lorena’s stroke.  That memory, and others like it, allowed me to keep my sanity through the really rough times.

Lorena’s miracle continues, and each time I tell someone else how she is doing, I realize anew just how far she has progressed and how blessed we are.  To God be the glory…

Michael at school.  I am frantically trying to get all my stuff finished at school, giving finals, cleaning out my room since I will be teaching a completely new area of study next year.  (Surely there are not many of us who are certified to teach English, history, math, and science (and ESL).  It makes one very employable, but it also causes one to bounce around quite often to cover those hard-to-fill positions.  [My current situation is still not bad.  My hardest year was teaching 8 preparations in a 6 period day along with being UIL coordinator, coaching UIL number sense, calculator, mathematics, science, editorial writing, news writing, feature writing, and headline writing, directing Talented and Gifted, and being senior sponsor.  I get tired just remembering it -- and I know Lorena remembers it!!!]

I have been a faculty representative (i.e. guard) at graduation for the  past three years, so this year I was reveling in the fact that I would not have to do that again.  Then Karen Koonsman retired.  Drat darn it!!!  I will miss K².  She is frantically working to get her room cleaned out, and she lives about an hour north of here, so I volunteered to take her assigned graduation guard duty for her.  Today, I got to sit in a glorious meeting on how to do our assignment without harming any animals, and I received Karen’s robe and collar.  (Oh, wait; that thing is called a hood, isn’t it?  The animals wear the collars…)  I figure her robe will strike me just below my cute little chubby behind-cheeks, so that should be interesting.   I made a comment about perhaps not wearing anything under my robe — and half the faculty threatened to go home sick…

A short time later, I received a breathless call from Lorraine.  (Actually, there was a LOT of breathing.  In fact, that was almost all I could hear for awhile.)  She, Stephi, and Mrs_Tiggy_Winkle were doing some cleaning and rearranging in the garage when she opened a box containing some Harry Potter games, some other odds and ends, and a really cute toy snake.  Just about the time she saw the toy snake, it started rattling.  [As she tells it, "I saw the snake and thought, 'Wow!  What a neat little toy snake!  But before I could reach down and pick it up, it started rattling.  I just let the lid on the box fall back down, yelled, 'Snake!' and ran.  I called the police and told them, and they are sending an officer, but I just wanted you to know that we found a rattlesnake in the garage."  That is a call that will get your adrenalin going!]   (Michigan Marly was impressed with the way that Rainey handled the situation, but she claims that she outran Lorraine as they exited the garage…)

I have never seen a rattler here in town, but that is certainly not to say that they are not here.  I know there will be rattlers on the outskirts of town, at least.  Anyway, I briefly told everyone at school why I was running away on my way out to the car and home.  The animal control officer was already at our house with the boxed prize sitting out under the carport.  I was instantly reminded of opening a big Cracker Jacks box with nothing edible inside but a toxic reptile that doubled as the prize…  I opened the box, he pulled out a couple of Harry Potter games with his snake tongs — and we discovered a lovely, TERRIFIED, two-foot-long chicken snake.  Its vibrating tail on the side of the box made a most impressive rattler-like buzz.

I tried to get the officer to let me keep the snake to show Lya, but he explained that since he had caught it, he would be liable legally if anyone got hurt by it, so he was going to release it outside of town.  I got a cloth and wiped the chicken snake urine off the box as the ladies present told me how scared THEY had been.  (None of them had to clean up, so I know that they were nowhere near as scared as that snake was.)

Lorraine, Stephi, and Marly all had to tell me, very excitedly and animatedly,  how the serpentine story had unwound.  Stephi pointed out the irony of the snake being in a box with Harry Potter books — and I was booed when I pointed out that it was especially ironic that it was ”slitherin’” [Slytherin] around in the box.  [I did not dare, then, tell them that I had licked a couple of horse-barns-full of envelopes at school -- so perhaps I could have spoken "Parcel-tongue" to the snake.  I held my tongue, though, because I was obviously in a hostile crowd that would not appreciate my incredible wit...]

Rainey then informed me of how many chicken snakes they have shot at Dublin this last week.  I chewed (figuratively) on her for a moment for shooting snakes, but she said the snakes were wreaking havoc on their egg and chick population.  I had precipitated this discussion by saying that I wish I had kept the snake in the garden, so I pointed out to Lorraine that I had no eggs or chicks to worry about.  Stephi then chided me by reminding me about living with several CHICKS about whom I should worry because they WOULD BE GONE IF SNAKES WERE ABOUT…

Of course, I had to correct her.  As best I could tell, judging by what I had seen at the scene, I live with several BIG CHICKENS!!!  (Pwa-a-a-wk!  Pok pok pok…)

Rainey then started telling us about the skunks, possums, coons, and snakes that she has shot under Jeremy’s guidance.  (Remember that that is my little debutante who asked me how to get blood off her high heels after she dressed out a deer in prom gear.  (SHE was in the prom gear.  The dear was NOT wearing a prom dress although, logically, I guess Rainey UNDRESSED the deer…  Sometimes, the language simply does not suffice…)

This caused the conversation to move on to the 12 foot alligator that someone poached in Lake Lewisville this last weekend — and the fact that Lya is afraid of alligators being in Lake Tyler (which I am sure there are.)  Then Stephanie started telling Miss Marly and Alisha about fifty foot gars that will eat you up, and Rainey told us about a huge, ferocious, man-eating salamander that had been discovered in China.  The poor Michiganders were looking a mite out-of-sorts by now.  (Marly discovered yesterday why fire ants are called fire ants — and she is ready to believe the grossest exaggerations.  And most of our exaggerations truly are gross.)

Lorena would love it.  She always thought the girls and me a bit crazy when we would catch snakes and play with them…  I am not sure what happened to my little tomboys.  Somehow, they metamorphosed into young Thomas ladies…  Now, of THAT, Lorena would be proud…  I have no idea where I went wrong!!!!  I only know that Lorena did all right…